"The Show Must Go On, Whatever Else Happens"

2-something in the morning. No coffee yet. We're not sure where sleep is -- where it's hiding. We tried to sleep, but something woke us up.

*
Eleanor said she was dreaming. In her dream, there were movie stars, but there weren't any movies left for the movie stars to star in, so the movie stars just wandered about, looking mostly lost, out of sorts, wondering (probably) what to do next. Eleanor went to one of the movie stars -- an A-lister, and told him she would write a play, and the play would have lots of parts, enough for everybody.

"But how will we be paid?" the A-lister said. "My house, my lifestyle -- it's all so expensive."

Eleanor smiled. "Applause, of course," she replied. "You'll be paid with applause, if it's a good play, that is, and if you're convincing."

"But where will we find the audience?" the A-lister said, very concerned and in a panic.

"We'll take turns," Eleanor said. "Everybody can't be on the stage at once, so we can be the actors and the audience. There will be plenty of applause to go around."

"What about my agent, my manager, my publicist -- all of my people?"

Eleanor looked to her right, and then to her left. "I don't see any of your people," she said. "I see you, and I see the other actors."

"Well, this is absolutely horrible," the A-lister proclaimed. "I won't have it! We need our movies back. I demand that someone take action."

"You're a funny man," Eleanor said. "I used to like you when you were bigger -- on the screen, I mean. I'm not sure that you're anything but funny now. Actually you're funny in kind of a sad way. I'm sorry. I don't want to be mean."

The A-lister gave Eleanor an odd stare. A questioning stare.

Eleanor said, "The show must go on. Whatever else happens."

But the A-lister began to walk in circles, talking to himself, and then to some of the other actors, and there was quite a commotion. Meanwhile, Eleanor sat down with a notebook and started to write.

Eleanor says: "There is no turning back"

We are always standing on a precipice. We are always ready to fall. We are always ready to step away from the precipice. The key to all of this is being ready, whatever decision you decide to make. But once you make this decision, because it will determine your life, there is no turning back. And this is something you must understand. And then, after you understand this, you must believe in it, with all of your heart, with all of who you are. And then, you make your decision. Then – you are ready.

(photograph -- Rebecca Knaur)