from Eleanor,
a novel by Geoff Schutt
*
Eleanor knew that her character was filled with contradictions. But she wondered if she really was full of any more contradictions in character than other girls her age, or other women, or other people in general. She thought, if only she could get her contradictions straight, she could use them wisely. The sort of, be one kind of person for this situation, and another for that situation. No, that wasn’t true. She wanted to get her contradictions straight so they wouldn’t haunt her so much. She was haunted by the person she wanted to be, when she was just that person yesterday, and might be that person again tomorrow, but not today. That's how it worked with her contradictions, she decided. They were out of alignment. Her entire character was out of alignment. If she didn't think every thought and action carefully through, she might mess something up -- be the wrong person for the right situation, for example. She wondered if anybody else ever felt like this.
To Reach The Green Light At The End Of The Pier
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ELEANOR says: "Please turn the page. Keep reading."
"The Little Room," Olive Thomas In Background
2 comments:
I just wanted Eleanor to know that I feel that way every day.
At first Eleanor was happy to find somebody who felt the same way, or could even begin to understand the same feelings, and then she wondered how many others were out there, in the world, because it's a big world (though sometimes it seems very small and closed-in), who felt the same way, and then she was contradicted all over again as to how she was supposed to feel about not just another singular person, but all of those people in the big world.
One thing she knew for sure, for at least the time being, this moment itself even, was that she was not alone -- and this was enough to make her feel a little less haunted by her contradictions.
(Thank you, Robyn.)
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